Why did I think this was a good idea

[furtive_heroics]

Veron was not a bad guy. It was just a smuggling job! Only the one. Well. That was how it started, anyway. Smuggle - hell, he doesn't even remember what they were. Some kind of spices? He thinks? Whatever. Doesn't matter. It wasn't deadly, anyway. It was perfectly nice spices-or-something, maybe not completely legal, but it wasn't going to hurt anyone. It was just a way to earn a bit of money on the side, maybe help Veron pay rent without going without food for a day or two. He'd done a marvelous job of it, too. Even smiled prettily at a cute guard and gotten her to waive a fee. More money for him, he had more than just bread to eat for the week.

Then, of course, the money ran out. He was back to scrabbling to pay rent and eating bread and going without dinner every now and then. He had a job, but it didn't pay well and his boss didn't like him. It was likely he'd get the talk that goes like, 'Oh, you've been such a good worker, but we really need to cut back on the spending and we're afraid we have to let you go.' Nevermind that they'd be hiring someone else a day or two later. He wasn't bitter. It had only happened once. Well, twice. Or possibly three times, he couldn't remember. Anyway, it wasn't paying enough, and screw those people, he didn't need them. He could smuggle things.

He didn't stop being good at it. He also didn't stop getting paid. And life was pretty good when he got paid. He didn't have to worry about making rent all the time, didn't have to constantly play the math game with every scrap of cash. Hell, sometimes he didn't even haggle, it felt great to just say, 'Yes, I'll take four' and not waste time on anything else. But the guy that had given him the first job got himself arrested and Veron didn't have things to smuggle. Or people to smuggle them for.

Right, well, he's a self-made man, he wasn't going to let that stop him. He knew the people to talk to, talked to them, and bam, he was back to smuggling. Life continued to be good. Until it didn't, and that happened when people started to ask him to smuggle dangerous things. He still did it, because by then he hadn't had a proper job in months and didn't plan on starting anytime soon. But it bothered him. Smuggling poisons and weapons and all sorts of - horrible things.

He solved that problem by going to certain folks and asking for things that they wanted. Being the guy that would go and find things and bring them in, instead of the middle man. That way, he had more control over what was going on. It worked out great, too!

For a while.

And then he was asked to smuggle a ton of fancy candles. He didn't think anything of it, they were candles. Candles didn't hurt anyone unless someone slipped while holding one and burned their house down. Anything could kill you if you were an idiot with it. He didn't have anything against candles. Who cares if someone wanted some fancy ones?

Well. It turns out that a specific kind of special candle, when used in the right way by the right person who knew all the right things were extremely dangerous. Not because of the candles themselves. Because of what the candles could be used to summon. Shadowy things. Shadowy things that were then sent to threaten people for protection money or used as backup or - any number of nasty things. Veron was not pleased. He was going to go tell the guy that he wasn't going to smuggle in any more evil fancy candles, but...

Then he realized that it was probably a bad idea to piss off a guy who summoned shadow things and set them on people. Veron kept his mouth shut. He smuggled more candles. In fact, he was in the middle of doing that right now - knock knock, creepy shadow guy, candle delivery.

(Ugh. He'd go to the paladins if he didn't think he'd be arrested too. And he hadn't known! That should cut him some slack! But this was the real world, and that didn't work in the real world.)

Comments

[alicornucopia]

Candle Guy's personal assistant, possibly fuckbuddy, opens the door and lets Veron in. She recognizes him, so there's none of the business with passwords. "Do you have the items?" she asks.

[furtive_heroics]

Ordinarily, he'd say something snarky, like, 'No, I'm wearing this really heavy coat with candles strapped to me as a fashion statement, flames are really in right now.' But he doesn't want to piss off Candle Guy, or even Candle Guy's fuckbuddy.

"I do," he says, instead, because if he can't be snarky he can at least be a professional. "They're a bit damp, it was a little rainy, but otherwise fine."

He opens his coat, and lo and behold, fancy candles. Quite a lot of fancy candles, you'd be surprised how many you can hide under a sufficiently long coat.

[alicornucopia]

"They should dry off all right," she estimates, and she shuts the door behind him. "This way, this way, he needs them as soon as possible. Fucking paladins."

[furtive_heroics]

"Is he? Well, that's an interesting way to take care of paladins, fucking your way through them, but I'm not a judgmental man. Whatever works for him."

He goes the way indicated.

[alicornucopia]

She titters slightly at this joke. "I wonder if you can make 'em lose their powers that way or if they have to be into it or what?" She shows him to where the candles are to be set up and then nips out to get a rag to dry the damp off them.

[furtive_heroics]

"Ha," he says, as if this joke is funny. Don't piss off the Candle Man's fuckbuddy, that would be a bad idea...

He chafes a bit at being expected to set up the candles, but whatever. It's for the money. Just think of the money. The glorious, wonderful money. He sets up the candles, happy to be free of his waxy cuddlebuddies, unhappy about everything else.

[alicornucopia]

She's back with a rag about a minute later and helps set up. She's also got Veron's gold, the half on delivery as agreed. Also, Candle Guy comes with her and supervises the setup.

Also, there is a noise that sounds like the front door being broken down.

[furtive_heroics]

He takes his gold, happily. "Pleasure doing business-" he starts to lie, and then he hears the noise of the front door being broken down and shuts up.

"... Problems in paradise?" he says in a soft voice.

[segreant]

"Shit," hisses Candle Guy, and he starts lighting candles energetically for a hasty ritual. Fuckbuddy eeps and finishes setup as quickly as she can, and lights the rest of them.

Candle Guy starts waking shadows.

"Kill whoever is invading my house," he tells the first one, and he repeats this instruction to the next, and the next, the candles burning down with shocking speed.

And then the door opens, this one not requiring breakage, and "whoever" is a paladin.

The shadows aren't very effective at harrying her, what with paladin immunities, but they do distract her, and her swordstaff isn't meant for indoor fighting. Which means she's a little distracted when Candle Guy pulls a crossbow off the wall.

[furtive_heroics]

"Um," hisses Veron, alarmed. "Are you insane? That's a paladin. Proper thing to do is run away, killing her would get a fuck ton of them on both of our heads!"

[segreant]

"She'll chase us on her bloody flying whatever," snaps Candle Guy, and he aims and fires and misses and reloads.

"Stand down!" snaps the paladin. "No harm will come to any human if you stand down!"

Candle Guy takes aim.

[furtive_heroics]

He doesn't actually have a reply to that, but he's - not a bad guy. He doesn't want to be the kind of guy that kills paladins. Or - stands by while a paladin gets shot.

"No," he growls, grabbing the crossbow and throwing off its aim. "Run, flying things can't be everywhere, stick to some alleyways for a while, go to a good spot, and you'll be fine -"

[segreant]

The paladin dispatches the last shadow. The crossbow bolt goes wild and embeds itself in the ceiling. The paladin advances, cornering the three of them.

"Stand. Down," she says, glowing brilliantly.

Fuckbuddy tries to dart around her and gets clotheslined by the staff part of the swordstaff and winds up flat on the floor, winded but uninjured.

"No!" roars Candle Guy, and he straightarms Veron in the solar plexus and wrenches his crossbow back and reloads.

[furtive_heroics]

That is pain. Pain is the thing that is. The wind goes out of him and he doubles over, coughing.

[segreant]

Candle Guy shoots the paladin. He gets her in the upper left arm. She rips out the arrow, snarling and bleeding, and knocks the crossbow out of his hand with the end of her swordstaff as though unhindered by the wound.

"Stand -"

And then Candle Guy lurches to the floor, looking almost like he's about to surrender, enough to make her lower her guard slightly, and he grabs his crossbow again -

[furtive_heroics]

"Oh fuck you," hisses Veron, "you are not killing someone on my watch." And then he tackles Candle Guy, grabbing at the crossbow and trying to keep it from getting reloaded.

[segreant]

Candle Guy is not much of a scuffler. Veron can overpower him.

Meanwhile, Fuckbuddy gets her breath back, and knocks the paladin's swordstaff out of her hand. Fuckbuddy is not capable of lifting the thing but she is capable of sitting on it and forcing the paladin to close with her and pick her up, gently yet effectively, by the neck, with one hand, and pin her against the wall like that.

[furtive_heroics]

Veron overpowers him. He retrieves the emergency knife he keeps in his boot, and - cuts the crossbow's string. Great, cool, good deed of the day's done. Time to book it while everyone's busy.

[segreant]

"Fucking traitor," snarls Candle Guy, grabbing for Veron's pant leg.

Fuckbuddy is slowly losing consciousness, clawing at the paladin's armored arm. The paladin is keeping an eye on Veron and Candle Guy; she picks up her swordstaff again.

[furtive_heroics]

And down Veron goes.

"Not! Well. Okay, a little, yeah, but also fuck you, you crazy shadow summoning murderer!"

He kicks at the guy to get him off, but does not do the obvious thing and stab him. Even though he still has his knife.

[segreant]

The crossbow's nonfunctional, but there are still bolts. Candle Guy attempts to perforate Veron with one.

The paladin drops Fuckbuddy (she slumps to the floor, passed out) and swats the bolt out of Candle Guy's hand with her swordstaff. Then she thwacks him in the leg with the side of the blade and he howls.

She looks at Veron assessingly.

[furtive_heroics]

"... I surrender?" he says, realizing that running is no longer an option.

[segreant]

"Wait in that corner of the room," she gestures, "on your knees, hands on your head, while I tie these two up."

[furtive_heroics]

"Right," sighs Veron, going to the corner and doing what he's told. Under his breath he mutters something about, 'Candles should not be fucking dangerous, how was I supposed to fucking know he was a crazy person.'

[segreant]

"They're shadowing candles," she says, giving Candle Guy a kick to his swatted leg when he stirs, then taking off her gauntlets and removing a spool of rope from her belt. She starts tying up Candle Guy. "As you saw."